We humans like to believe that because we are oh so evolved in our cognitions and behaviours, that we are somehow superior to other animals, well here is the news flash... Though our behaviours and cognitions have evolved over the last billion years our so, a lot of our supposed superior behaviour still holds remnants of our rather hairy ancestors, and fellow members of the animal kingdom.
Generally we are not having our sexual trysts in the tree tops or in the fields of the golden savannah anymore. Our spawning grounds have transformed into strobe lighted night clubs, the hum of your friendly computer screen, rows of church pews, not to mention social events (particularly weddings, which seem to get all women hot and bothered) and the fleeting yet sometimes mind blowing passing encounters.
What is interesting to look at is, that there seems to be a collective understanding of what type of mate you could possibly find at most of these venues, and though subtle to the unobservant person, there appears to be an obvious behavioral pattern that we follow when encountering a potential mate, which leads me to ... Pheromones.
This fabulous chemical which our bodies naturally produce and secrete in our sweat comes from the Greek words pherin, “to carry” and horman, “to excite”. Pheromones naturally elicit responses in others, specifically in reproductive behaviour. (I know I’m getting all scientific, but read on you could learn something)
Have you ever noticed that when meeting someone who seems perfect in all the right places (wink wink), for some reason you can’t seem to figure out why you are repulsed by them? Or how about, realizing that the same perfume or cologne smells completely different on different people? What about sniffing your lover’s clothes or pillow when they are away? This is because of Pheromones.
Let’s get scientific again... Most women will tell you that they and their group of friends seem to share the same menstrual cycle. Research has shown that when females are kept together for an extended period of time without the presence of a male, that their menstrual cycles will synchronize, then, slow down and eventually stop until a male is introduced. This phenomena, is called the Lee-Boot Effect. This “effect” is a direct result of the body’s natural ability to recognize via pheromones that there is no need to menstruate (produce eggs) because there are no viable males around for reproduction. SPOOKY huh?!
Going even further, it has also been observed that women who are regularly in the presence of men tend to have shorter menstrual cycles than those who are not, allowing for more opportunities to have sex, thus leading to the possible fertilization of an egg. (Uh huh, see I told you, you human animal you)
So now that we have established that despite your fabulous jewelry, great apartment, lavish clothes and dedicated work-out regime, that you are in fact an evolved animal, yet an animal none the less, let’s break it down a bit. What type of animal are you?
For the Men...
The Lustful Lion Male
These men have a presence that will tame even the wildest lioness. They are dominant, seductive, love to be the center of attention and usually are. They thrive on having their harem of equally strong women take care of their every whim and fancy, and may at times appear lazy because of this. But don’t be fooled, this male can take care of himself, but simply prefers to be taken care of.
The Sinister Shark Male
Stated simply, sharks are ruthless! They prefer to be alone and will kill to get what they want, and once happy they move right along to their next victim. This male is hard to tame, and if in fact he somehow becomes caged, he may turn on you rather than die in captivity.
The Emperor Penguin Male
These are the men that women, tend to look over. They would rather have a lion or shark over these loyal and faithful Emperor Penguins (SO SAD BUT TRUE). Popular for their monogamy, Emperors will live their entire lives having only one mate. These Emperors make the best Dads and in fact have no qualms being a stay-at-home Dad while Mom goes off to hunt. (Warning Ladies: Shark Dads will usually eat their young, and Lion Papas tend not to give a damn! So when you find a Penguin be good to him and DON’T TURN HIM INTO A SHARK OR LION)
FOR THE LADIES...
The Praying Mantis & Black Widow Females
These two can fit into a category together, simply because they will devour their men after mating, whether it be for money, status, whatever. Good men tend to fall into the alluring traps of these women far too often, and only realize when its too late, and they are either broke and she has moved on, or oops she got pregnant on the sly.
The Devilish Dolphin Female
Dolphins are the only other mammal apart from humans who have sex for pleasure, so let’s just say that these women have a very veracious sexual appetite. They are very open to sexual exploration, and are usually happiest in leather. They are the equivalent to the Rabbit and will either be an answer to a man’s dream or his worst nightmare. Don’t take them lightly though, they are usually rather intelligent.
The Beautiful Butterfly
These women are rare. You know the saying; “behind every good man, there is a greater woman”, this is her. Butterfly females usually undergo some form of transformation and get more beautiful with age. Once matured, she will find her rightful mate and produce her offspring before she dies. These women are extremely delicate though, and when handled inappropriately, may never fly again. (Warning: Men please take care of the butterflies. WE HAVE TOO MAY BLACK WIDOWS ALREADY)
Published by Ocean Style Magazine - Uneditted Version
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