My Father's Hair...

So the Natural Hair movement has taken the world by storm in the past few years, and me the low maintenance person I am who had damaged their long relaxed hair by keeping it in one virtually all the time out of laziness and 'cant botheration' not only jumped on the band wagon, but begun to drive it.

Taking better care of my hair and spending time with it, I begun to appreciate myself even more as a result. Switching from sulphate shampoos and silcone conditioners, being cognitive of the fact that what I was putting on my hair was able to seep into my scalp and thus my bloodstream, became a conscious  thought. I started reading labels more and tried more natural hair and skin products. I did a lot of research and started feeling excited about the journey I was on, reconnecting me to my roots - literally! For me, the Natural Hair Movement is not political or social, rather it has become a very personal journey. As I explored different options to improve the health of my hair and skin, I begun to eat better and now after 2 years of being a non-smoker (yes yes I appreciate the applause) I figure, if I can quit smoking I can do anything :). So with that said I decided to do the Big Chop even though I planned to transition for 8 months, I called my hair dresser and told her I was ready 3 months in.


My Big Chop experience was not the liberating experience that most women describe. Between a few yells of "Oh my......" followed by a few expletives, mixed in with hysterical laughter as a friend of mine instructed my hair stylist to cut down the middle of my head so I had no choice but to sit there rather than go to work the next day looking like bozo the clown.

I had big chopped twice before years ago, but never like this, it was due to a break up (ya that psychological practice deserves a blog/article all on it's own). Those times however the natural strands didn't last too long, whether by Curl Activators or Texturisers, I immediately had to tame my hair. This time it was all for me, not emotionally driven, or the need to 'let go and grow' as it were.

So as more of my tresses fell to the floor and my scalp grew colder I raised a hand to touch my hair and in that moment my heart stood still. You see, I had lost my father in Nov. 2011, and as my fingers touched my hair, for what felt like the first time, I was immediately carried to a memory. I held back the tears and begun to smile and laugh a bit. In that very moment, I was now 4 years old again touching my Father's hair and placing clips in his hair. I remember he had just come from work, sat on the edge of his bed and it was passed my bed time, I was already 'pretending to sleep' and as I heard the springs in his bed sink, I jumped up, grabbed my clips and stood behind him to play in his hair.

Thanks to my mom, I have this memory forever also as a photograph. So as I sat there in my hairstylist's chair, smiling to myself, something dawned on me..... something so beautiful and simple.... I realized I have my Father's hair, and there is nothing I would ever do to change that again.


I love you Daddy!

The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.