Returning to the Sacred Feminine

Raise your hand if you have ever been stabbed in the back by a female friend.

Raise your hand if you have met issues in the workplace due to a female colleague.

Raise your hand if you have been spoken about negatively by another woman.

Raise your hand if you have received negative customer service from a woman because you are a woman.

Raise your hand if you have been held back or prevented from excelling in school or the workplace by another woman.

Raise your hand if you have committed one of the above offences yourself. (This one is much harder to do huh?!)

The Sacred Feminine, is an appreciation and respect for the innate feminine energy which resides within both women and men. It is Divine and compliments Sacred Masculine energy which is linear and often very determined to reach point B from point A. Sacred Feminine energy prefers the scenic route, which may take longer, but which would be more enjoyable.

Celebrating your Sacred Femininity means recognizing this Right Brained way of thinking and appreciating one’s emotions, intuition and need to create and nurture, in yourself and also in others. Living in a patriarchal society has removed the Divine Feminine from our conscious minds and locked it away in a box within the subconscious.

We have learned that being emotional is wrong, that we need to remove ourselves from our own feelings and ignore the feelings of others. This cycle has reduced our sense of insight and compassion for others, in other words, we have become people who only think with the brain and not the heart, something which has been reduced to flighty journeys of the spiritual, hippies and unsuccessful persons who refuse to have ambition and climb the career ladder.

This way of thinking is masculine and linear, based only on logic and not from compassion. Masculine Energy is purposeful and determined, but without the Feminine becomes cold, empty and loses the beauty and appreciation of the journey to point B. Without the Feminine we only learn outcomes and not the lesson, we become shells operating only on one plane of existence, for material gain.

This brings me back to the much needed return to the Sacred Feminine. We often state that in looking for a male compliment to ourselves we need a man who is strong, a provider, someone that will stand up for you, and then the desire that often eludes us is, that this man should be in touch with his emotions, someone who is willing to talk and express himself and listen to your fears, voice his own and give you the reassurance you need. Yet in raising our boys, we teach them not to cry and to hold their emotions in - to repress the Divine Feminine aspect of themselves.

This unfortunate vicious cycle….sorry to say begins and ends with the woman! We ourselves lack appreciation for our own femininity. We repress it and then when we decide to use it, abuse its power. We fight another woman, rather than compliment her on success, her happy marriage or relationship, her wonderful children, her great haircut or her fabulous shoes or dress. What makes us unhappy for the other? What makes us send negativity to another in thought or action?

The answer is our own imbalance and inner fight of the Sacred Feminine. We are so busy complaining of the lack of opportunity for women, the need for greater freedom, the desire for equality and yet we give none of these to ourselves. What makes a man respectful of a woman and women in general? It is when he sees a woman who is willing to embrace and balance both aspects of herself, one who is determined and driven, yet passionate and emotional. A woman who has compassion for herself and others, who sees the end of the tunnel but appreciates the darkness along the way. How can we ask that of men, when we are lacking it ourselves?

We are on our way, more and more women are returning to the Sacred Feminine, becoming more introspective, more compassionate, and more empathetic. But we are still a long way from point B. It’s time to balance those aspects of ourselves harnessing the Sacred Masculine energy to the purpose of finding balance and actually getting there with Feminine compassion for others and self.

The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.

The Orgasm: DECODED

As the French call it “La petite mort” translated, “the little death”, has both fascinated and disgusted people throughout the ages. While various cultures and even religions have embraced the act of, love making, in some instances suggesting that true enlightenment can only be achieved through sex, others have shunned it.

What is it that scares us so much about sex? Could it be the actual carnal act, the allusion to and comparison of us to mere animals? However did you know that Dolphins are the only other animal besides us humans who have sex for the pleasure of the act, rather than just for procreation?! Hooray for the Dolphins!

To become technical, the orgasm is the forth of the five stages of the “The Process of Sexual Response”. (Don’t worry it sounds dull but keep reading) After achieving Desire, Arousal, and Plateau the body reaches Orgasm, that too brief phase of complete ecstasy.

In Orgasm women experience a series of pleasurable muscle contractions around the vagina, while men experience contractions of the prostate gland, vas deferens and seminal vesicles, often times described as painful (which has dramatically lowered my personal *penis envy). However to the dismay of some, this article will not be focusing on means and ways to achieve the perfect orgasm, but rather the last stage of the Sexual Response Process, that of Resolution, the blissful state of well-being and relaxation which is a direct result of the body’s release of endorphins during orgasm.

These miraculous chemicals have a similar chemical structure to that of morphine, and are found to lower stress levels, regulate contractions of the intestinal wall and alleviate mood, and one’s Resolution phase can be theorized to be enhanced based on the intensity of the orgasm, which leads me to (Drum Roll please)…… The Four Categories of the Female Orgasm: The Mellow Ooohh, Frisky Feline, Vivacious Vagina and the last but certainly not least Shakespearian Glow.

The Mellow Ooohh!

Ladies, recall the moments where in complete bliss all you want to do is simply roll over and fall asleep.

At this level of Orgasm and Resolution, you feel at peace with the world and all that is in it. Nothing is a bother, everything seems just right, the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but instead just a glass of refreshingly, beautiful water. You breathe easier and your voice has dropped a couple of octaves below normal, finding yourself in your own utopia, rose colored world.

This orgasm makes for the perfectly pleasant day, where you would actually find yourself smiling with your selfish and overbearing boss, not to mention catch yourself smiling at the most awkward times throughout the day, for example a ‘cut throat’ meeting with executives of your company. Nothing seems to get you down!

The Frisky Feline

The Mantra: More, More More! Your partner begs you to give him a break, jokingly complaining; “I am not a machine woman!”

This Orgasm puts you on top of the world, and unfortunately prevents you from focusing on anything else other than the spectacular moment the night before, or the morning before you got to work.

You come in to work feeling relaxed yet on edge, strategically planning your next pounce and attack on your partner. You have unleashed the little beast within you, who desires nothing more than simply that…more! You may even find yourself purring in thought, but unfortunately or fortunately may then realize that you are attracting any man that crosses your path. Being in heat does have its benefits, however by the end of the day all you may want to do is lock yourself up at home.

The Vivacious Vagina

You have now transformed into super woman. You feel like you can save the world on this day, but are smart enough to focus on your own little piece of the planet.

You are focused, strong and confident. You feel a marked difference in your attitude. You no longer see your boss as selfish and overbearing, but instead someone who was possibly not hugged enough as a child. You seem to be most progressive, and almost feel a little self conscious and suspicious that everyone must know about the tryst you had the night before. You seal deals, expertly manage your time, and consider new theories to better your life, not to mention calling your partner several times throughout the day to glorify their performance, and tell them just how much of a good day you are having.

The Shakespearian Glow

This one sounds wonderful and alluring, but if you have had one of these, or know a bit of Shakespeare, then you would possibly think twice about encountering this zenith. Let just say this orgasm scares the living hell out of you!

Shakespeare often referred to the orgasm as the French do, meaning to die. Some religions, such as Islam, believe that the bliss of an orgasm is just a portion of the bliss you experience in heaven. Others such as Buddhism feel that true enlightenment can be found within this moment. Well listen up… the Shakespearian glow is the closest you can get to a Near Death Experience without actually dieing.

The light is no longer at the end of the tunnel, but instead has smacked you across the face several times, and at that moment you are truly ready and willing to meet your Maker if necessary. The natural post coital glow has been magnified a hundred times over. You no longer are on top of the world, but are now are holding it in the palm of your hand. Every thought seems to have purpose. You are not looking at the world through rose colored lenses, but instead see without seeing. Let us just say true *Zen and you are completely comfortable with not having anymore of those, mind numbing while simultaneously exploding orgasms for the rest of your life.

Finding your O…

There are no steps to the perfect orgasm, and in fact there is no perfect orgasm. To be quite frank, any article you read with directions is crap. It is all about you and what you like.

You need to know and appreciate yourself, while knowing and appreciating your partner. Some may feel quite happy with their Mellow Ooohhs, while others yearn for The Shakespearian Glow. The point is however to find what YOU like.

It all starts within the mind! Clarity of thought and forgetting everything that has bothered you throughout the day and what you have to do in the next hour is the biggest turn on. Living in that moment; feeling, experiencing and expressing passion for each second, is indeed life’s true orgasm.

But if that doesn’t work, here is my best advice, practice, practice, practice. Do your own research!


* Penis Envy – Psychological terminology referring to the female’s natural displeasure with their gender role, as men tend to have more freedom, power, etc.

* Zen – Buddhist state of heightened consciousness, spiritual fulfillment and enlightenment.

“Ode to the… Boob”

If you had not read the title of this article, and I asked you to regress a bit and sing the alphabet, chances are the last thing on your mind would be your cup size. However if I asked you to sing the alphabet now, it’s possible that you would not be able to keep a straight face, and start snickering by the time you got to the letter/cup “J”.

As entertaining as it would be to elaborate on the possible psychology of your cup size, and what it means to yourself, your esteem, your society and the rest of the world regarding how well your bra fits, sorry to say this article has little to do with your breasts, but instead has everything to do with your femininity.

Ask yourself how you felt the day of your first period. What feelings did you have? Where there any fears? Ask yourself about your ability and choice to have children; about your possible or past emotions the day of your daughter’s first period. Ask yourself about your feelings of menopause, about breast cancer, about the possible loss of a breast. Though we may not see (perhaps blinded by the demands of the patriarchal society in which we live), these questions delve far into our understanding and appreciation of our femininity.

I am a woman who has come to realize that my fellow women far too often, though with a level of appreciation, have come to select aspects of their “Feminine” which they choose to accept or not, at times even fighting it, and not supporting the collective of females.

Now ask yourself about how difficult your struggle has been in the working world, about the choices you have made, or were forced to make, because you are a woman. Ask yourself about discrimination, but also recognize how you too have discriminated against and judged your female colleagues. In all HONESTY, were your choices based on their characters only, or were they somewhat influenced by their “feminine”? Why do we fight ourselves and each other so?

Some would argue that men are to blame. So quick are we to call them out; telling them and believing that they are “dogs”; charging them with the offenses of hurt, oppression and discrimination. Why are we not capable of seeing that this vicious cycle of prejudice begins and ends with us?

In days gone by, the idea of a patriarchal society was myth. Powerful goddesses reigned supreme with the recognition of the equally powerful and divine masculine. A respected balance existed between the sexes, the realism of symbiosis, the acceptance that there is no Yin without Yang. Women gathered together in reverence to celebrate their femininity and the Divine Feminine; they supported each other; they taught and uplifted each other, never bitching! (I choose my words very wisely)

The notion of female on female oppression is a new phenomenon, and most men will easily point out that this is our “weakness” as women: being “fickle” and holding each other down. No matter what the circumstances, a man is more than capable of respecting a woman, once she has respect for her self.

“Ode to the Boob” is a proclamation of self-acceptance for any woman, realizing that in being women we have no weaknesses, only the devices we hold against each other and ourselves. Embracing that which makes us female does not make us weak; it instead reconnects us to our past celebration of the woman.

Argue all you damn well please: “But men are this, but men are that, look on what they have done to us…” BLAH BLAH BLEEP BLAH BLAH! Don’t get me upset! What have we done to ourselves? Granted we have struggled, and it has taken us a hell of a long time to regain some amount of respect, but what have we done to that respect?!

Unleash our fury of frustration on men; claiming the brilliance of having control over them with the way we dress, with what we do. Let me tell you a secret… do not take them for fools, as they see right through it, and rightly so. If we continue to give them the ammunition, why not use it? We use it against ourselves anyway, right?!

I am venting, because I am tired of how we treat each other and ourselves. I am nauseated by thoughts of hurtful former friends who used their feminine wiles to stab me in the back. I am aggravated by women in high-powered positions, who feel that the world owes them something, and who assimilate the “male characteristic” of assertion and turn it into manipulation and aggression in the work place.

I know you can identify for two reasons. Firstly because you have continued to read my rant, and secondly because I know that though we may choose not to admit it to ourselves at times, we realize the truth.

Looking on the grand scheme of things, we have come a long way, and it has taken us lifetimes and generations to get to where we are: “earning” the right to vote, and look, now we have a woman running for President of the United States (I am NOT a Hillary supporter, my choice, thank you!). From the burning of bras to the legislation put in place to protect us women, is enough evidence of our journey. However, to what extent are we protecting each other?

I ask these questions because it has taken me some time to come to these conclusions, having been wrapped up in my own delusions. I am not at all negating the struggles we have faced and are still facing. Instead I am suggesting that the biggest struggle that we need to recognize is with ourselves.

The feminine Moon rules the tides, and maintains the speed at which Mother Earth herself rotates, controlling life in the sea and thus on land. Yet the Moon provides no light without the masculine Sun (getting deep here, can you handle it?).


Juno, Roman patron goddess, AKA Hera to the Greeks, was believed to watch and protect all women from their first breath to their last. Freyja, Norse goddess of creativity, love, and beauty, was worshiped to foster the ability to discriminate between aggression and passivity, and the ability to use them appropriately. Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom and enlightenment, was without equal in the skill of battle and protected all those in need of defense. Oya, Yoruba goddess of the Niger River, was praised for her leadership and strength. Kuan Yin, most beloved goddess of ancient China, was recognized for her compassion, vowing never to leave the earth to her celestial amusement until all humans were free of pain.

Whether you choose to appreciate these whimsical stories or not, open your mind a bit to realize that these stories are simply of women. Women who in their “divinity” had honor and respect and were praised for it by women, and yes, by men too! These stories are of the Feminine, all that makes us female, and creates the balance for life, just as the sun and moon coexist to sustain life.

“Ode to the Boob” is an Ode to you; a type of self-praise, to realize that to be feminine is innate and necessary for life. Without compassion, without strength, without tears, without monthly mood-swings, without the pain of child birth, the tender look in a mother’s eyes and the support of a wife or a girlfriend’s smile, where would we be? Where will we be? We need to stop fighting and start embracing, remembering that the power of a woman is not defined by our power over men and each other, but instead our power of self. Think about it!

- As published by Ocean Style Magazine