The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.

“Ode to the… Boob”

If you had not read the title of this article, and I asked you to regress a bit and sing the alphabet, chances are the last thing on your mind would be your cup size. However if I asked you to sing the alphabet now, it’s possible that you would not be able to keep a straight face, and start snickering by the time you got to the letter/cup “J”.

As entertaining as it would be to elaborate on the possible psychology of your cup size, and what it means to yourself, your esteem, your society and the rest of the world regarding how well your bra fits, sorry to say this article has little to do with your breasts, but instead has everything to do with your femininity.

Ask yourself how you felt the day of your first period. What feelings did you have? Where there any fears? Ask yourself about your ability and choice to have children; about your possible or past emotions the day of your daughter’s first period. Ask yourself about your feelings of menopause, about breast cancer, about the possible loss of a breast. Though we may not see (perhaps blinded by the demands of the patriarchal society in which we live), these questions delve far into our understanding and appreciation of our femininity.

I am a woman who has come to realize that my fellow women far too often, though with a level of appreciation, have come to select aspects of their “Feminine” which they choose to accept or not, at times even fighting it, and not supporting the collective of females.

Now ask yourself about how difficult your struggle has been in the working world, about the choices you have made, or were forced to make, because you are a woman. Ask yourself about discrimination, but also recognize how you too have discriminated against and judged your female colleagues. In all HONESTY, were your choices based on their characters only, or were they somewhat influenced by their “feminine”? Why do we fight ourselves and each other so?

Some would argue that men are to blame. So quick are we to call them out; telling them and believing that they are “dogs”; charging them with the offenses of hurt, oppression and discrimination. Why are we not capable of seeing that this vicious cycle of prejudice begins and ends with us?

In days gone by, the idea of a patriarchal society was myth. Powerful goddesses reigned supreme with the recognition of the equally powerful and divine masculine. A respected balance existed between the sexes, the realism of symbiosis, the acceptance that there is no Yin without Yang. Women gathered together in reverence to celebrate their femininity and the Divine Feminine; they supported each other; they taught and uplifted each other, never bitching! (I choose my words very wisely)

The notion of female on female oppression is a new phenomenon, and most men will easily point out that this is our “weakness” as women: being “fickle” and holding each other down. No matter what the circumstances, a man is more than capable of respecting a woman, once she has respect for her self.

“Ode to the Boob” is a proclamation of self-acceptance for any woman, realizing that in being women we have no weaknesses, only the devices we hold against each other and ourselves. Embracing that which makes us female does not make us weak; it instead reconnects us to our past celebration of the woman.

Argue all you damn well please: “But men are this, but men are that, look on what they have done to us…” BLAH BLAH BLEEP BLAH BLAH! Don’t get me upset! What have we done to ourselves? Granted we have struggled, and it has taken us a hell of a long time to regain some amount of respect, but what have we done to that respect?!

Unleash our fury of frustration on men; claiming the brilliance of having control over them with the way we dress, with what we do. Let me tell you a secret… do not take them for fools, as they see right through it, and rightly so. If we continue to give them the ammunition, why not use it? We use it against ourselves anyway, right?!

I am venting, because I am tired of how we treat each other and ourselves. I am nauseated by thoughts of hurtful former friends who used their feminine wiles to stab me in the back. I am aggravated by women in high-powered positions, who feel that the world owes them something, and who assimilate the “male characteristic” of assertion and turn it into manipulation and aggression in the work place.

I know you can identify for two reasons. Firstly because you have continued to read my rant, and secondly because I know that though we may choose not to admit it to ourselves at times, we realize the truth.

Looking on the grand scheme of things, we have come a long way, and it has taken us lifetimes and generations to get to where we are: “earning” the right to vote, and look, now we have a woman running for President of the United States (I am NOT a Hillary supporter, my choice, thank you!). From the burning of bras to the legislation put in place to protect us women, is enough evidence of our journey. However, to what extent are we protecting each other?

I ask these questions because it has taken me some time to come to these conclusions, having been wrapped up in my own delusions. I am not at all negating the struggles we have faced and are still facing. Instead I am suggesting that the biggest struggle that we need to recognize is with ourselves.

The feminine Moon rules the tides, and maintains the speed at which Mother Earth herself rotates, controlling life in the sea and thus on land. Yet the Moon provides no light without the masculine Sun (getting deep here, can you handle it?).


Juno, Roman patron goddess, AKA Hera to the Greeks, was believed to watch and protect all women from their first breath to their last. Freyja, Norse goddess of creativity, love, and beauty, was worshiped to foster the ability to discriminate between aggression and passivity, and the ability to use them appropriately. Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom and enlightenment, was without equal in the skill of battle and protected all those in need of defense. Oya, Yoruba goddess of the Niger River, was praised for her leadership and strength. Kuan Yin, most beloved goddess of ancient China, was recognized for her compassion, vowing never to leave the earth to her celestial amusement until all humans were free of pain.

Whether you choose to appreciate these whimsical stories or not, open your mind a bit to realize that these stories are simply of women. Women who in their “divinity” had honor and respect and were praised for it by women, and yes, by men too! These stories are of the Feminine, all that makes us female, and creates the balance for life, just as the sun and moon coexist to sustain life.

“Ode to the Boob” is an Ode to you; a type of self-praise, to realize that to be feminine is innate and necessary for life. Without compassion, without strength, without tears, without monthly mood-swings, without the pain of child birth, the tender look in a mother’s eyes and the support of a wife or a girlfriend’s smile, where would we be? Where will we be? We need to stop fighting and start embracing, remembering that the power of a woman is not defined by our power over men and each other, but instead our power of self. Think about it!

- As published by Ocean Style Magazine