The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.

LOVE - True Love - Yup it exists :)

I'm a believer!!! :)

To Love is to die a thousand deaths, yet to be reborn with each breath life bestows! Without faith in True Love - it will never be attained....

So how do i love thee? Let me count the ways.... this may take awhile.......:)

Mating Rituals of the…Human Animal

We humans like to believe that because we are oh so evolved in our cognitions and behaviours, that we are somehow superior to other animals, well here is the news flash... Though our behaviours and cognitions have evolved over the last billion years our so, a lot of our supposed superior behaviour still holds remnants of our rather hairy ancestors, and fellow members of the animal kingdom.

Generally we are not having our sexual trysts in the tree tops or in the fields of the golden savannah anymore. Our spawning grounds have transformed into strobe lighted night clubs, the hum of your friendly computer screen, rows of church pews, not to mention social events (particularly weddings, which seem to get all women hot and bothered) and the fleeting yet sometimes mind blowing passing encounters.

What is interesting to look at is, that there seems to be a collective understanding of what type of mate you could possibly find at most of these venues, and though subtle to the unobservant person, there appears to be an obvious behavioral pattern that we follow when encountering a potential mate, which leads me to ... Pheromones.

This fabulous chemical which our bodies naturally produce and secrete in our sweat comes from the Greek words pherin, “to carry” and horman, “to excite”. Pheromones naturally elicit responses in others, specifically in reproductive behaviour. (I know I’m getting all scientific, but read on you could learn something)

Have you ever noticed that when meeting someone who seems perfect in all the right places (wink wink), for some reason you can’t seem to figure out why you are repulsed by them? Or how about, realizing that the same perfume or cologne smells completely different on different people? What about sniffing your lover’s clothes or pillow when they are away? This is because of Pheromones.

Let’s get scientific again... Most women will tell you that they and their group of friends seem to share the same menstrual cycle. Research has shown that when females are kept together for an extended period of time without the presence of a male, that their menstrual cycles will synchronize, then, slow down and eventually stop until a male is introduced. This phenomena, is called the Lee-Boot Effect. This “effect” is a direct result of the body’s natural ability to recognize via pheromones that there is no need to menstruate (produce eggs) because there are no viable males around for reproduction. SPOOKY huh?!

Going even further, it has also been observed that women who are regularly in the presence of men tend to have shorter menstrual cycles than those who are not, allowing for more opportunities to have sex, thus leading to the possible fertilization of an egg. (Uh huh, see I told you, you human animal you)

So now that we have established that despite your fabulous jewelry, great apartment, lavish clothes and dedicated work-out regime, that you are in fact an evolved animal, yet an animal none the less, let’s break it down a bit. What type of animal are you?

For the Men...

The Lustful Lion Male
These men have a presence that will tame even the wildest lioness. They are dominant, seductive, love to be the center of attention and usually are. They thrive on having their harem of equally strong women take care of their every whim and fancy, and may at times appear lazy because of this. But don’t be fooled, this male can take care of himself, but simply prefers to be taken care of.

The Sinister Shark Male
Stated simply, sharks are ruthless! They prefer to be alone and will kill to get what they want, and once happy they move right along to their next victim. This male is hard to tame, and if in fact he somehow becomes caged, he may turn on you rather than die in captivity.

The Emperor Penguin Male
These are the men that women, tend to look over. They would rather have a lion or shark over these loyal and faithful Emperor Penguins (SO SAD BUT TRUE). Popular for their monogamy, Emperors will live their entire lives having only one mate. These Emperors make the best Dads and in fact have no qualms being a stay-at-home Dad while Mom goes off to hunt. (Warning Ladies: Shark Dads will usually eat their young, and Lion Papas tend not to give a damn! So when you find a Penguin be good to him and DON’T TURN HIM INTO A SHARK OR LION)

FOR THE LADIES...

The Praying Mantis & Black Widow Females
These two can fit into a category together, simply because they will devour their men after mating, whether it be for money, status, whatever. Good men tend to fall into the alluring traps of these women far too often, and only realize when its too late, and they are either broke and she has moved on, or oops she got pregnant on the sly.

The Devilish Dolphin Female
Dolphins are the only other mammal apart from humans who have sex for pleasure, so let’s just say that these women have a very veracious sexual appetite. They are very open to sexual exploration, and are usually happiest in leather. They are the equivalent to the Rabbit and will either be an answer to a man’s dream or his worst nightmare. Don’t take them lightly though, they are usually rather intelligent.

The Beautiful Butterfly
These women are rare. You know the saying; “behind every good man, there is a greater woman”, this is her. Butterfly females usually undergo some form of transformation and get more beautiful with age. Once matured, she will find her rightful mate and produce her offspring before she dies. These women are extremely delicate though, and when handled inappropriately, may never fly again. (Warning: Men please take care of the butterflies. WE HAVE TOO MAY BLACK WIDOWS ALREADY)


Published by Ocean Style Magazine - Uneditted Version