The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.

The Orgasm: DECODED

As the French call it “La petite mort” translated, “the little death”, has both fascinated and disgusted people throughout the ages. While various cultures and even religions have embraced the act of, love making, in some instances suggesting that true enlightenment can only be achieved through sex, others have shunned it.

What is it that scares us so much about sex? Could it be the actual carnal act, the allusion to and comparison of us to mere animals? However did you know that Dolphins are the only other animal besides us humans who have sex for the pleasure of the act, rather than just for procreation?! Hooray for the Dolphins!

To become technical, the orgasm is the forth of the five stages of the “The Process of Sexual Response”. (Don’t worry it sounds dull but keep reading) After achieving Desire, Arousal, and Plateau the body reaches Orgasm, that too brief phase of complete ecstasy.

In Orgasm women experience a series of pleasurable muscle contractions around the vagina, while men experience contractions of the prostate gland, vas deferens and seminal vesicles, often times described as painful (which has dramatically lowered my personal *penis envy). However to the dismay of some, this article will not be focusing on means and ways to achieve the perfect orgasm, but rather the last stage of the Sexual Response Process, that of Resolution, the blissful state of well-being and relaxation which is a direct result of the body’s release of endorphins during orgasm.

These miraculous chemicals have a similar chemical structure to that of morphine, and are found to lower stress levels, regulate contractions of the intestinal wall and alleviate mood, and one’s Resolution phase can be theorized to be enhanced based on the intensity of the orgasm, which leads me to (Drum Roll please)…… The Four Categories of the Female Orgasm: The Mellow Ooohh, Frisky Feline, Vivacious Vagina and the last but certainly not least Shakespearian Glow.

The Mellow Ooohh!

Ladies, recall the moments where in complete bliss all you want to do is simply roll over and fall asleep.

At this level of Orgasm and Resolution, you feel at peace with the world and all that is in it. Nothing is a bother, everything seems just right, the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but instead just a glass of refreshingly, beautiful water. You breathe easier and your voice has dropped a couple of octaves below normal, finding yourself in your own utopia, rose colored world.

This orgasm makes for the perfectly pleasant day, where you would actually find yourself smiling with your selfish and overbearing boss, not to mention catch yourself smiling at the most awkward times throughout the day, for example a ‘cut throat’ meeting with executives of your company. Nothing seems to get you down!

The Frisky Feline

The Mantra: More, More More! Your partner begs you to give him a break, jokingly complaining; “I am not a machine woman!”

This Orgasm puts you on top of the world, and unfortunately prevents you from focusing on anything else other than the spectacular moment the night before, or the morning before you got to work.

You come in to work feeling relaxed yet on edge, strategically planning your next pounce and attack on your partner. You have unleashed the little beast within you, who desires nothing more than simply that…more! You may even find yourself purring in thought, but unfortunately or fortunately may then realize that you are attracting any man that crosses your path. Being in heat does have its benefits, however by the end of the day all you may want to do is lock yourself up at home.

The Vivacious Vagina

You have now transformed into super woman. You feel like you can save the world on this day, but are smart enough to focus on your own little piece of the planet.

You are focused, strong and confident. You feel a marked difference in your attitude. You no longer see your boss as selfish and overbearing, but instead someone who was possibly not hugged enough as a child. You seem to be most progressive, and almost feel a little self conscious and suspicious that everyone must know about the tryst you had the night before. You seal deals, expertly manage your time, and consider new theories to better your life, not to mention calling your partner several times throughout the day to glorify their performance, and tell them just how much of a good day you are having.

The Shakespearian Glow

This one sounds wonderful and alluring, but if you have had one of these, or know a bit of Shakespeare, then you would possibly think twice about encountering this zenith. Let just say this orgasm scares the living hell out of you!

Shakespeare often referred to the orgasm as the French do, meaning to die. Some religions, such as Islam, believe that the bliss of an orgasm is just a portion of the bliss you experience in heaven. Others such as Buddhism feel that true enlightenment can be found within this moment. Well listen up… the Shakespearian glow is the closest you can get to a Near Death Experience without actually dieing.

The light is no longer at the end of the tunnel, but instead has smacked you across the face several times, and at that moment you are truly ready and willing to meet your Maker if necessary. The natural post coital glow has been magnified a hundred times over. You no longer are on top of the world, but are now are holding it in the palm of your hand. Every thought seems to have purpose. You are not looking at the world through rose colored lenses, but instead see without seeing. Let us just say true *Zen and you are completely comfortable with not having anymore of those, mind numbing while simultaneously exploding orgasms for the rest of your life.

Finding your O…

There are no steps to the perfect orgasm, and in fact there is no perfect orgasm. To be quite frank, any article you read with directions is crap. It is all about you and what you like.

You need to know and appreciate yourself, while knowing and appreciating your partner. Some may feel quite happy with their Mellow Ooohhs, while others yearn for The Shakespearian Glow. The point is however to find what YOU like.

It all starts within the mind! Clarity of thought and forgetting everything that has bothered you throughout the day and what you have to do in the next hour is the biggest turn on. Living in that moment; feeling, experiencing and expressing passion for each second, is indeed life’s true orgasm.

But if that doesn’t work, here is my best advice, practice, practice, practice. Do your own research!


* Penis Envy – Psychological terminology referring to the female’s natural displeasure with their gender role, as men tend to have more freedom, power, etc.

* Zen – Buddhist state of heightened consciousness, spiritual fulfillment and enlightenment.