Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Orgasm: DECODED


As the French call it “La petite mort” translated, “the little death”, has both fascinated and disgusted people throughout the ages. While various cultures and even religions have embraced the act of, love making, in some instances suggesting that true enlightenment can only be achieved through sex, others have shunned it.

What is it that scares us so much about sex? Could it be the actual carnal act, the allusion to and comparison of us to mere animals? However did you know that Dolphins are the only other animal besides us humans who have sex for the pleasure of the act, rather than just for procreation?! Hooray for the Dolphins!

To become technical, the orgasm is the forth of the five stages of the “The Process of Sexual Response”. (Don’t worry it sounds dull but keep reading) After achieving Desire, Arousal, and Plateau the body reaches Orgasm, that too brief phase of complete ecstasy.

In Orgasm women experience a series of pleasurable muscle contractions around the vagina, while men experience contractions of the prostate gland, vas deferens and seminal vesicles, often times described as painful (which has dramatically lowered my personal *penis envy). However to the dismay of some, this article will not be focusing on means and ways to achieve the perfect orgasm, but rather the last stage of the Sexual Response Process, that of Resolution, the blissful state of well-being and relaxation which is a direct result of the body’s release of endorphins during orgasm.

These miraculous chemicals have a similar chemical structure to that of morphine, and are found to lower stress levels, regulate contractions of the intestinal wall and alleviate mood, and one’s Resolution phase can be theorized to be enhanced based on the intensity of the orgasm, which leads me to (Drum Roll please)…… The Four Categories of the Female Orgasm: The Mellow Ooohh, Frisky Feline, Vivacious Vagina and the last but certainly not least Shakespearian Glow.

The Mellow Ooohh!

Ladies, recall the moments where in complete bliss all you want to do is simply roll over and fall asleep.

At this level of Orgasm and Resolution, you feel at peace with the world and all that is in it. Nothing is a bother, everything seems just right, the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but instead just a glass of refreshingly, beautiful water. You breathe easier and your voice has dropped a couple of octaves below normal, finding yourself in your own utopia, rose colored world.

This orgasm makes for the perfectly pleasant day, where you would actually find yourself smiling with your selfish and overbearing boss, not to mention catch yourself smiling at the most awkward times throughout the day, for example a ‘cut throat’ meeting with executives of your company. Nothing seems to get you down!

The Frisky Feline

The Mantra: More, More More! Your partner begs you to give him a break, jokingly complaining; “I am not a machine woman!”

This Orgasm puts you on top of the world, and unfortunately prevents you from focusing on anything else other than the spectacular moment the night before, or the morning before you got to work.

You come in to work feeling relaxed yet on edge, strategically planning your next pounce and attack on your partner. You have unleashed the little beast within you, who desires nothing more than simply that…more! You may even find yourself purring in thought, but unfortunately or fortunately may then realize that you are attracting any man that crosses your path. Being in heat does have its benefits, however by the end of the day all you may want to do is lock yourself up at home.

The Vivacious Vagina

You have now transformed into super woman. You feel like you can save the world on this day, but are smart enough to focus on your own little piece of the planet.

You are focused, strong and confident. You feel a marked difference in your attitude. You no longer see your boss as selfish and overbearing, but instead someone who was possibly not hugged enough as a child. You seem to be most progressive, and almost feel a little self conscious and suspicious that everyone must know about the tryst you had the night before. You seal deals, expertly manage your time, and consider new theories to better your life, not to mention calling your partner several times throughout the day to glorify their performance, and tell them just how much of a good day you are having.

The Shakespearian Glow

This one sounds wonderful and alluring, but if you have had one of these, or know a bit of Shakespeare, then you would possibly think twice about encountering this zenith. Let just say this orgasm scares the living hell out of you!

Shakespeare often referred to the orgasm as the French do, meaning to die. Some religions, such as Islam, believe that the bliss of an orgasm is just a portion of the bliss you experience in heaven. Others such as Buddhism feel that true enlightenment can be found within this moment. Well listen up… the Shakespearian glow is the closest you can get to a Near Death Experience without actually dieing.

The light is no longer at the end of the tunnel, but instead has smacked you across the face several times, and at that moment you are truly ready and willing to meet your Maker if necessary. The natural post coital glow has been magnified a hundred times over. You no longer are on top of the world, but are now are holding it in the palm of your hand. Every thought seems to have purpose. You are not looking at the world through rose colored lenses, but instead see without seeing. Let us just say true *Zen and you are completely comfortable with not having anymore of those, mind numbing while simultaneously exploding orgasms for the rest of your life.

Finding your O…

There are no steps to the perfect orgasm, and in fact there is no perfect orgasm. To be quite frank, any article you read with directions is crap. It is all about you and what you like.

You need to know and appreciate yourself, while knowing and appreciating your partner. Some may feel quite happy with their Mellow Ooohhs, while others yearn for The Shakespearian Glow. The point is however to find what YOU like.

It all starts within the mind! Clarity of thought and forgetting everything that has bothered you throughout the day and what you have to do in the next hour is the biggest turn on. Living in that moment; feeling, experiencing and expressing passion for each second, is indeed life’s true orgasm.

But if that doesn’t work, here is my best advice, practice, practice, practice. Do your own research!


* Penis Envy – Psychological terminology referring to the female’s natural displeasure with their gender role, as men tend to have more freedom, power, etc.

* Zen – Buddhist state of heightened consciousness, spiritual fulfillment and enlightenment.

3 comments:

  1. Superb piece, i enjoyed reading it, got it all, keep them coming and thanks for share.

    ReplyDelete