My Father's Hair...

So the Natural Hair movement has taken the world by storm in the past few years, and me the low maintenance person I am who had damaged their long relaxed hair by keeping it in one virtually all the time out of laziness and 'cant botheration' not only jumped on the band wagon, but begun to drive it.

Taking better care of my hair and spending time with it, I begun to appreciate myself even more as a result. Switching from sulphate shampoos and silcone conditioners, being cognitive of the fact that what I was putting on my hair was able to seep into my scalp and thus my bloodstream, became a conscious  thought. I started reading labels more and tried more natural hair and skin products. I did a lot of research and started feeling excited about the journey I was on, reconnecting me to my roots - literally! For me, the Natural Hair Movement is not political or social, rather it has become a very personal journey. As I explored different options to improve the health of my hair and skin, I begun to eat better and now after 2 years of being a non-smoker (yes yes I appreciate the applause) I figure, if I can quit smoking I can do anything :). So with that said I decided to do the Big Chop even though I planned to transition for 8 months, I called my hair dresser and told her I was ready 3 months in.


My Big Chop experience was not the liberating experience that most women describe. Between a few yells of "Oh my......" followed by a few expletives, mixed in with hysterical laughter as a friend of mine instructed my hair stylist to cut down the middle of my head so I had no choice but to sit there rather than go to work the next day looking like bozo the clown.

I had big chopped twice before years ago, but never like this, it was due to a break up (ya that psychological practice deserves a blog/article all on it's own). Those times however the natural strands didn't last too long, whether by Curl Activators or Texturisers, I immediately had to tame my hair. This time it was all for me, not emotionally driven, or the need to 'let go and grow' as it were.

So as more of my tresses fell to the floor and my scalp grew colder I raised a hand to touch my hair and in that moment my heart stood still. You see, I had lost my father in Nov. 2011, and as my fingers touched my hair, for what felt like the first time, I was immediately carried to a memory. I held back the tears and begun to smile and laugh a bit. In that very moment, I was now 4 years old again touching my Father's hair and placing clips in his hair. I remember he had just come from work, sat on the edge of his bed and it was passed my bed time, I was already 'pretending to sleep' and as I heard the springs in his bed sink, I jumped up, grabbed my clips and stood behind him to play in his hair.

Thanks to my mom, I have this memory forever also as a photograph. So as I sat there in my hairstylist's chair, smiling to myself, something dawned on me..... something so beautiful and simple.... I realized I have my Father's hair, and there is nothing I would ever do to change that again.


I love you Daddy!

Celebrating & Honouring the Yuletide

Yule is a seasonal celebration, which precedes the origination of Christmas and the Christianization of the earlier civilizations in Europe. Yule was usually observed by taking a tree into the home (Sound familiar?), of which, the family would cut the largest portion of its trunk to be burned little by little in the fireplace during the early winter, while the rest of the tree would remain in the home as a sign of the spring to come. If any of the cut log was left after the winter solstice celebration, it would be preserved and kept in the home for the year and used to light the subsequent log in the coming winter.

Yule marks a reflective time for one to assess the past and what they wish to manifest in the future, hence the symbolic burning of a living tree, to create heat for survival during one of the harshest months of the year. This is the darkest time of the year, when one looks inward and allows them-self to let go of things no longer needed to make room for what is to come, to burn what must be forgotten for the greater good.

This particular Yule time, will also mark the end of a 26,000 year cycle of our planet, with the alignment of our solar system with the very centre of our galaxy. Regardless of what one believes, this is indeed a time to acknowledge what we wish to manifest for our futures as individuals and as humanity as a whole.

What are the things you need to allow yourself to let go of?

What are the things you wish to manifest?

What aspects of you need healing?

Who do you need to send healing to?

As we get into the full swing of Yule, our minds tend to naturally wonder to the things we should have done and things we should NOT have done - we will do one of two things. We either force away the thoughts or we dwell on them. However, neither works to the betterment of self.

 Instead, try to acknowledge them and have the courage to HONOUR them. Ask yourself why you made that decision or why you didn’t, but most importantly be honest with yourself in the process.

One of the most difficult quests I believe anyone has to face, is to have the courage to be honest with oneself. It requires guts to acknowledge the hurt that you have experienced, but more importantly the hurt you have caused others and inflicted upon yourself.

It’s easy to blame others - to say well... "I had to, they gave me no choice" or "What did you expect me to do?" or "It’s not my fault" or..... I could go on forever.

The point is to assess the situation, person or time in your life in isolation - OBJECTIVELY. Look within and release the feelings of fear that led to you making those decisions. Ask yourself why you felt you deserved less or why you felt you deserved more than another person.

Guilting yourself into remorse is certainly not the objective - rather it is having the courage to face the truth of your actions. Once you are able to do that, then you can free yourself from guilt or the justification of your actions and then you can let go, and sometimes whether to yourself or others .......say sorry and be able to move on in TRUTH!

The celebration of Yule is both very emotional and liberating. To allow yourself to fully let go, enables you to be ready and open to receive in the future. It is time to free ourselves from the weight of our fears, insecurities and hurts. When you think about it....what’s the point of holding on to it anyway?! :)

Understanding Totems - Part 1

My belief is that one is capable of seeing signs and symbols from the Divine in everyday life. Based on archetypes past on through generations, civilizations  eras and ages from the Collective Unconscious, there exists an identification of energy and alignment in animal symbolism. I have been studying totems for a little over two years and am happy to share what I have learned with anyone willing to listen.

I simply find it beautiful to recognize that we are connected to each other and nature, and as such to Source and Spirit, and if we are so inclined, we can decipher the messages sent to us daily in waking life or in the Dreamtime, from something as simple as an ant or as unexpected as a visit by an owl.

A Totem can be looked upon as a Messenger, a Guide or Guardian. In different traditions, it is proposed that we are all born with Power Animals or Spiritual Guides - likened to Guardian Angels. The number of guardians differs in faith and belief. Some Native American traditions, numbers the amount to as much as nine. These cover the following directions: East, South, West, North, Above, Below, Within, Left and Right

Explaining each direction requires an entire note on itself (which I will write) but for now one can regard each direction as symbolizing an aspect of one's life and journey, as well as, characteristics of the personality. For Native Americans the directions fall on the Medicine Wheel of life, which teaches the different stages of life an individual must face, being born in the East like the Sun, with life setting in the West, but transforming in the North to return to the Great Spirit. (Directions also tie into the Sacred Elements; Earth, Air, Fire, Water - but will save that for another time.)

Based on knowledge of Scared Geometry, all the directions form the shape called the Merkabah which is a profound shape believed to contain the energy body of the individual, ie the soul. "Mer" means Light. "Ka" means Spirit. "Bah" means Body. We really are just skimming the surface here but let that simmer for now....back to totems.

How to find your Power Animals?

Usually, these Totems take the form of your favorite animals. Also they maybe animals that you have reoccurring dreams about, animals that you fear or even an animal that seems to always find its way into your life or home. Could be something as exotic as a Tiger, simple as an Ant or gross as a Lizard or cockroach (depends on what you find gross).

If one is aware of their Power Animals, then they are able to easily identify various Messenger Totems. These are animals that appear in your life for a moment or for a time period. They may appear in a dream to bring you a message, or you may suddenly be more attuned to coming across the image of a particular animal in material you read or see, or you may even see the creature in waking life. These animals bring a message that is to be heard, and appear only when it is necessary.

Then you have Shadow Totems, these are animals that persons have a fear for or even phobia towards. These spirit guides represent the archetype of a specific type of energy which you are ignoring towards your own personal development. They represent aspects of yourself which you have denied and also fear.

How to get to know your Power Animals and their messages?

Meditation is a great start, but it's usually not so easy for a first timer. The easiest method is to simply begin to research your animal's way of life, its habits, skills. How it hunts, is it more active at night, is it a loner? Does your favorite animal hibernate or have a shell? Does it transform and go through cycles like the Butterfly or Frog? As mentioned before our concepts that we have grown to know from our youth are a result of these archetypal energies being passed on through the ages. Each animal has a lesson to teach; the owl teaches wisdom and seeing into the depths, the spider is the weaver of words and expression, the ant is a teamworker and is willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

Returning to the Sacred Feminine

Raise your hand if you have ever been stabbed in the back by a female friend.

Raise your hand if you have met issues in the workplace due to a female colleague.

Raise your hand if you have been spoken about negatively by another woman.

Raise your hand if you have received negative customer service from a woman because you are a woman.

Raise your hand if you have been held back or prevented from excelling in school or the workplace by another woman.

Raise your hand if you have committed one of the above offences yourself. (This one is much harder to do huh?!)

The Sacred Feminine, is an appreciation and respect for the innate feminine energy which resides within both women and men. It is Divine and compliments Sacred Masculine energy which is linear and often very determined to reach point B from point A. Sacred Feminine energy prefers the scenic route, which may take longer, but which would be more enjoyable.

Celebrating your Sacred Femininity means recognizing this Right Brained way of thinking and appreciating one’s emotions, intuition and need to create and nurture, in yourself and also in others. Living in a patriarchal society has removed the Divine Feminine from our conscious minds and locked it away in a box within the subconscious.

We have learned that being emotional is wrong, that we need to remove ourselves from our own feelings and ignore the feelings of others. This cycle has reduced our sense of insight and compassion for others, in other words, we have become people who only think with the brain and not the heart, something which has been reduced to flighty journeys of the spiritual, hippies and unsuccessful persons who refuse to have ambition and climb the career ladder.

This way of thinking is masculine and linear, based only on logic and not from compassion. Masculine Energy is purposeful and determined, but without the Feminine becomes cold, empty and loses the beauty and appreciation of the journey to point B. Without the Feminine we only learn outcomes and not the lesson, we become shells operating only on one plane of existence, for material gain.

This brings me back to the much needed return to the Sacred Feminine. We often state that in looking for a male compliment to ourselves we need a man who is strong, a provider, someone that will stand up for you, and then the desire that often eludes us is, that this man should be in touch with his emotions, someone who is willing to talk and express himself and listen to your fears, voice his own and give you the reassurance you need. Yet in raising our boys, we teach them not to cry and to hold their emotions in - to repress the Divine Feminine aspect of themselves.

This unfortunate vicious cycle….sorry to say begins and ends with the woman! We ourselves lack appreciation for our own femininity. We repress it and then when we decide to use it, abuse its power. We fight another woman, rather than compliment her on success, her happy marriage or relationship, her wonderful children, her great haircut or her fabulous shoes or dress. What makes us unhappy for the other? What makes us send negativity to another in thought or action?

The answer is our own imbalance and inner fight of the Sacred Feminine. We are so busy complaining of the lack of opportunity for women, the need for greater freedom, the desire for equality and yet we give none of these to ourselves. What makes a man respectful of a woman and women in general? It is when he sees a woman who is willing to embrace and balance both aspects of herself, one who is determined and driven, yet passionate and emotional. A woman who has compassion for herself and others, who sees the end of the tunnel but appreciates the darkness along the way. How can we ask that of men, when we are lacking it ourselves?

We are on our way, more and more women are returning to the Sacred Feminine, becoming more introspective, more compassionate, and more empathetic. But we are still a long way from point B. It’s time to balance those aspects of ourselves harnessing the Sacred Masculine energy to the purpose of finding balance and actually getting there with Feminine compassion for others and self.

Where did God go?

“Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” 
– Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

With all the recent ‘rapture’ excitement, one’s thoughts leaned closely to God. Whether in jest or in seriousness, many conversations happened in regards to faith, prayer and salvation. God went viral for the first time in a long time, trending, hashtaged and being ‘Liked’ on various social media. It tickles me pink to think that He or She was delighted and possibly postponed original plans, if any at all, because ‘it was nice to be thought of once again’.
One night recently the moon was exceptionally beautiful, possibly because my usual private moment of personal reflection and prayer while staring at the night sky hadn’t happened in awhile (guiltily admitted). As I stared at the sky I heard myself say words which have resonated within me for the past few weeks; “I miss God, I miss You!”
My prayers/conversations are a little unconventional (to say the least); God and I have what I like to call ‘holy telephone conversations’ which are often one-way (to say they are two-way would possibly lead to diagnosis and medication in modern times). BUT unfortunately I hadn’t picked up the line in awhile and in that moment as the moon stared back, I felt guilty for succumbing to the matrix.
“I miss God,” suggested that God went somewhere, when in fact I was the one who walked away from my ‘holy telephone’, too busy or too caught up for simple reflection. I have become what I most feared, another drone of society ‘plugged in’. Having a job (not this…this is a joy not a job) which demands so much has allowed me to make the excuse of being too drained to talk with God, and in this case, when I say God, I mean myself.
The concept of God transforms across culture, faith and denomination. Most sociologists would agree also that the archetype of God is a direct or indirect reflection of what an individual, society or group deems as the ideal of authority.
Is it too far gone to then suggest that the Ultimate Authority/God is a reflection of us? That God exists within us, that God has never gone away, but that we have walked away from Him/Her and indeed walked away from ourselves?
A sense of spirituality is not bound by religion or denomination. Having spirituality is not correlated to one’s concept of God. One could go to a church, mosque or temple religiously (pun intended) and possess no faith or spirituality.
As we step away further from God and closer to our cars, smart-phones, laptops, greater workload, carpools, traffic, playlists, play-dates vitamins, Friday night out with friends, ask yourself — what is the purpose of it all? Where are we going? Where did God go?


As published by Ocean Style Magazine: http://www.oceanstylemagazine.com/articles/?p=2471

The Independent Woman....Skewed Perception or Truth!

I hope to not disappoint, as chances are the person reading this is a woman aspiring for the above title, while men possibly saw the headline for the post and with eyes glazed over rolled them in despair thinking "another one" shaking his head.
 

The sad truth.......what we think entails being a strong independent woman is often far skewed by our own misguided perceptions and justifications for plain old DUMBASS behaviour.

I will be honest....I'm not going to say that I have never suffered from the Aspiring 'Independent' Woman syndrome.....thinking to myself I was strong, embracing the word 'bitch' depending on context and thinking to myself that the world understood what I meant and what I wanted from life.

SOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!

We like to think as women that when we present ourselves as “liberated” females, often with a strong sense of self and our own sexuality we present the ideal strong and independent woman….but first ask yourself what independence means. What liberated means? What sexuality means?

Some women tend to follow the same modus operandi particularly after a break up, almost as if it were written in a specific handbook. We will lock ourselves away for an indefinite amount of time, and then emerge as the liberated and flirtatious butterfly, sure of herself and who she is……HELL FREAKING NO!!!

We would like to believe that! We will often cut our hair, an unconscious symbol of relinquishing the past and its hurt, while looking for new growth (a projection of ourselves to the world). Often times some women will either take the celibate route, or one that is not so virtuous, stating that they are liberated women free to do as she likes and justifying it by reaffirming the sad debate of the rights of women versus men and the freedoms of each sex based on what society says is right and wrong, in other words having LOTS of sex.

Women in this position will often feel that either on-looking men respect her for her independence, are drawn to her by her personality of liberation, believe she is a risk taker and more like “one of the boys” , that she knows what she wants and how she wants it.

SAD!!!!!!

Not so…..these men laugh at the sidelines watching the show of women each night, in each club, in the line at the bank, in the supermarket, as she aims to present this façade and they…………….LAUGH! Maybe not aloud, or possibly with a single chuckle, but here is what they do know, they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this woman who has presented herself as the strong, sexy, independent type is the easiest to get in the sack. “Why not let her simply believe this…..I get what I want……she gets what she wants” (the belief of control).

Men understand us far better than we are willing to understand ourselves…..and I say this openly I have been one of those women, on a few occasions and it has taken me some time to realize that independence is a myth!

As humans, we live for attachment and crave and need it just as though it were a drug. In fact, it is a natural drug….the hormone Oxytocin, also known as the Love hormone is released in our systems each time we hug, kiss and orgasm. It is released after birth in mothers and between lovers each time there is sexual activity resulting in orgasm. This natural chemical creates the feeling of attachment and the bond that we seek to crave with a simple hug. The hormone also simply makes us feel good, happy and content even for the moment.

What I now present is an unfortunate truth…..the sexually liberated female is simply a slut.

Here’s why…..as much as we would like to state that times are changing, that women should have the ability to do exactly what men do….the truth is this…times haven’t changed that much and really women should not be doing exactly what men do. WHY?? Because wrong is wrong on either side of the fence.

The world is not fair! Chances are it NEVER will be! We live in a world of cycles, where one strives for balance their entire life, Abraham Maslow’s Self Actualization, never finding it until they are dead.

The media has a great part to play in this cycle of the Aspiring Independent Woman Syndrome, as artists and actresses search for themselves in the limelight, sharing the heartache and the pain that they must go through by elaborate shows of sexuality. Examples???? Madonna, Janet Jackson, Rihanna.

The point to all of this is that it is only one step on the journey of self discovery for a woman. A woman cannot and should not feel that this is who they are and will be for the rest of their lives……why? Simple, because she will be! Without any chance for growth, she will progress through life believing she is liberated when in fact she herself has chained her hopes, her belief in her potential, and her belief in love.

The journey is fun…….and we must appreciate each phase of life as just that, a phase! We must move on and let go and not blame others, men or the world for what we have done to ourselves.

We would like to be respected as women, as equals in the work place, in the bed room etc……ACT like it!! Because in equality there is difference, just as yin is to yang.

In not accepting each stage of life as a stepping stone, we neglect to respect ourselves and put ourselves in a labeled box of “independence” that the rest of the world labels as either slut or bitch.

 I will be the first to say that I have been both, but key word being been! It takes guts to look back on your life and realize the mistakes you have made but to say you don’t regret them, for no other reason than it made you who you wanted to be; an independent woman of thought, who is dependent on her family and husband for the support she needs, who needs reassurance every now and again (mostly for a week’s stretch once a month), and who appreciates every slutty and bitchy moment I lived through to become the person I can look in the mirror proudly and say “Nice to meet you!”.

Blogs in Plain English: A justification for my own sort of news

Lets Play a Game: The Ethics of Correct Finger Pointing

STEP 1: Blame Someone

STEP 2:  Waste Valuable Time "wisely"

 STEP 3: (Optional) Fix the Problem











Thus ends this lesson!

Why Worry.......

How often have you felt the butterflies in your stomach.... a feeling resembling indigestion, hunger, constipation, a little bit of gas and impending diarrhea all at once?

You wake in the night from sound sleep, fully alert. You feel energized enough to run laps around the regular morning joggers, but are wise enough to just lay there in the dark.....

Your focus is unsteady....you are capable of still functioning well at your job, but if left idle for a minute your mind wonders.

 The worst thing that can happen at this point is to have nothing to do.You would love to sit idly any other day at your computer, aimlessly searching google from your 'search list' (fellow nerds can identify). However instead of being given your regular work load, there is a sudden and unusual ease, which you would plead for any other day. Here at this point, in which your mind wonders into the labyrinth of your worrydom, you would be ready to search the office like a crack head for something to do! "Want me to write that letter for you? Want me to file that for you? Want me to count your paper clips?"

I am at that point now.....

Anyone can identify with this experience......the question is do I say why I am worried?

Supposedly 40% of the things we worry about never happen......we can only hope that what we are worrying about at the time will fall in that percentage.

Telling someone not to worry....is mostly a comfort to the 'teller' and not the recipent!

You might as well tell me to fuck off!!

Not many people are willing to genuinely give a listening ear anymore....we are far more concerned with what is happening in our own worlds to not give a damn about another person's.

Only if you can identify with an exact situation, could you really have the audacity to say "Don't Worry" otherwise, shut the hell up!

Now the issue at hand for the worrier is to remember  that each person is different, and each situation unique. We must be mindful, that truly at times someone just doesn't know what to say, and by sticking a "Dont Worry" bandaid on the situation and walking away is just safer for most people.

Likewise we must remember that what worries you, may be a grill cheese sandwich to another person....and that each person deals with things differently.

Perception is a bitch!



So its probably safer to just keep things to myself for awhile and only speak up if it becomes a problem. I'm only human, and its impossible to not worry, but what I can do is hang in there till the worry becomes and issue (which is hopefully never....or at least not for now)

SHIT it sucks being a realist!

All Grown Up......

Now there comes a point every now and again in an adult's life, when you step back and look introspectively at yourself.

Time seems to freeze frame for a minute, the room quietens and your vision becomes clearer, colours brighter and sounds louder. You feel your chest raising with each breath and your heart pumping in your chest, this organic mechanism that forces life through your veins.......then you say....FUCK I'm getting old!

What happened to the time......to your desire to be older?

I recall adding a number to my age each year.....umm but now....I'm quite content at leaving it at the current age.

If I had a choice to revisit a part of my life, I would choose me at 4 years old. When the world was an ultimate wonder and there was NOTHING to worry about! The most work I did was to learn the alphabet, write my name and colour within the lines (which I was really good at by the way).

We hurry to this point of responsibility.... not noticing and embracing the actual journey. I have intentionally slowed things down to smell the roses as it were.

I'm happy being a BIG kid now.....All Grown Up.....HELL NO!!!

The Orgasm: DECODED

As the French call it “La petite mort” translated, “the little death”, has both fascinated and disgusted people throughout the ages. While various cultures and even religions have embraced the act of, love making, in some instances suggesting that true enlightenment can only be achieved through sex, others have shunned it.

What is it that scares us so much about sex? Could it be the actual carnal act, the allusion to and comparison of us to mere animals? However did you know that Dolphins are the only other animal besides us humans who have sex for the pleasure of the act, rather than just for procreation?! Hooray for the Dolphins!

To become technical, the orgasm is the forth of the five stages of the “The Process of Sexual Response”. (Don’t worry it sounds dull but keep reading) After achieving Desire, Arousal, and Plateau the body reaches Orgasm, that too brief phase of complete ecstasy.

In Orgasm women experience a series of pleasurable muscle contractions around the vagina, while men experience contractions of the prostate gland, vas deferens and seminal vesicles, often times described as painful (which has dramatically lowered my personal *penis envy). However to the dismay of some, this article will not be focusing on means and ways to achieve the perfect orgasm, but rather the last stage of the Sexual Response Process, that of Resolution, the blissful state of well-being and relaxation which is a direct result of the body’s release of endorphins during orgasm.

These miraculous chemicals have a similar chemical structure to that of morphine, and are found to lower stress levels, regulate contractions of the intestinal wall and alleviate mood, and one’s Resolution phase can be theorized to be enhanced based on the intensity of the orgasm, which leads me to (Drum Roll please)…… The Four Categories of the Female Orgasm: The Mellow Ooohh, Frisky Feline, Vivacious Vagina and the last but certainly not least Shakespearian Glow.

The Mellow Ooohh!

Ladies, recall the moments where in complete bliss all you want to do is simply roll over and fall asleep.

At this level of Orgasm and Resolution, you feel at peace with the world and all that is in it. Nothing is a bother, everything seems just right, the glass is neither half empty nor half full, but instead just a glass of refreshingly, beautiful water. You breathe easier and your voice has dropped a couple of octaves below normal, finding yourself in your own utopia, rose colored world.

This orgasm makes for the perfectly pleasant day, where you would actually find yourself smiling with your selfish and overbearing boss, not to mention catch yourself smiling at the most awkward times throughout the day, for example a ‘cut throat’ meeting with executives of your company. Nothing seems to get you down!

The Frisky Feline

The Mantra: More, More More! Your partner begs you to give him a break, jokingly complaining; “I am not a machine woman!”

This Orgasm puts you on top of the world, and unfortunately prevents you from focusing on anything else other than the spectacular moment the night before, or the morning before you got to work.

You come in to work feeling relaxed yet on edge, strategically planning your next pounce and attack on your partner. You have unleashed the little beast within you, who desires nothing more than simply that…more! You may even find yourself purring in thought, but unfortunately or fortunately may then realize that you are attracting any man that crosses your path. Being in heat does have its benefits, however by the end of the day all you may want to do is lock yourself up at home.

The Vivacious Vagina

You have now transformed into super woman. You feel like you can save the world on this day, but are smart enough to focus on your own little piece of the planet.

You are focused, strong and confident. You feel a marked difference in your attitude. You no longer see your boss as selfish and overbearing, but instead someone who was possibly not hugged enough as a child. You seem to be most progressive, and almost feel a little self conscious and suspicious that everyone must know about the tryst you had the night before. You seal deals, expertly manage your time, and consider new theories to better your life, not to mention calling your partner several times throughout the day to glorify their performance, and tell them just how much of a good day you are having.

The Shakespearian Glow

This one sounds wonderful and alluring, but if you have had one of these, or know a bit of Shakespeare, then you would possibly think twice about encountering this zenith. Let just say this orgasm scares the living hell out of you!

Shakespeare often referred to the orgasm as the French do, meaning to die. Some religions, such as Islam, believe that the bliss of an orgasm is just a portion of the bliss you experience in heaven. Others such as Buddhism feel that true enlightenment can be found within this moment. Well listen up… the Shakespearian glow is the closest you can get to a Near Death Experience without actually dieing.

The light is no longer at the end of the tunnel, but instead has smacked you across the face several times, and at that moment you are truly ready and willing to meet your Maker if necessary. The natural post coital glow has been magnified a hundred times over. You no longer are on top of the world, but are now are holding it in the palm of your hand. Every thought seems to have purpose. You are not looking at the world through rose colored lenses, but instead see without seeing. Let us just say true *Zen and you are completely comfortable with not having anymore of those, mind numbing while simultaneously exploding orgasms for the rest of your life.

Finding your O…

There are no steps to the perfect orgasm, and in fact there is no perfect orgasm. To be quite frank, any article you read with directions is crap. It is all about you and what you like.

You need to know and appreciate yourself, while knowing and appreciating your partner. Some may feel quite happy with their Mellow Ooohhs, while others yearn for The Shakespearian Glow. The point is however to find what YOU like.

It all starts within the mind! Clarity of thought and forgetting everything that has bothered you throughout the day and what you have to do in the next hour is the biggest turn on. Living in that moment; feeling, experiencing and expressing passion for each second, is indeed life’s true orgasm.

But if that doesn’t work, here is my best advice, practice, practice, practice. Do your own research!


* Penis Envy – Psychological terminology referring to the female’s natural displeasure with their gender role, as men tend to have more freedom, power, etc.

* Zen – Buddhist state of heightened consciousness, spiritual fulfillment and enlightenment.

LOVE - True Love - Yup it exists :)

I'm a believer!!! :)

To Love is to die a thousand deaths, yet to be reborn with each breath life bestows! Without faith in True Love - it will never be attained....

So how do i love thee? Let me count the ways.... this may take awhile.......:)

Changin the tone!!!

So blogging never really took off for me....till now....



Considering it free therapy to write my thoughts to the world...in hopes that i feel better....and maybe it could do some good for another.



*Drumroll* Tone change: My mom has cancer!



Oooo yup i said it....now here's the issue, do you continue reading, or do ya hit the "back button"?



Basically i still have no idea how to feel...denial i suppose....numbness maybe....I'm distracting myself constructively, by pouring all my efforts and talents into fundraising and spreading awareness for pancreatic cancer through (here comes the shameless plug) @TDRFoundation on Twitter and http://www.dahliarepole.org/



No one likes to hear the word cancer.....describing the experience is almost similar to pulling my own teeth out, but I'll try :) (warning: if my cynicism bugs u, your on the wrong blog)



I have to admire and at the same time despise doctors who have to disclose diagnoses everyday...after awhile - i suppose you become cold and distant.....



Sitting beside my mom in the cold, stark office and hearing the words cancer - i looked to her to tell how I should respond.....dumbfounded doesn't explain it! I stared in her eyes which begun welling up with tears....... i have only seen her cry a handful of times....then she swallowed hard and started asking the "real questions" - "Ok lets get real Dr. ________ whats the timeline?"



WOW i was about to break inside and here she put me back together again with her realistic approach - i knew then how to take the news. Face it! Stare it down - make preparations and do what you can to kick the disease in the ass!!!



My mom is an amazing woman! No doubt there are so many others out there with similar stories to share.....tell me! Lets help each other!



So here i am....whistling in the dark....hoping, praying, loving!

Mating Rituals of the…Human Animal

We humans like to believe that because we are oh so evolved in our cognitions and behaviours, that we are somehow superior to other animals, well here is the news flash... Though our behaviours and cognitions have evolved over the last billion years our so, a lot of our supposed superior behaviour still holds remnants of our rather hairy ancestors, and fellow members of the animal kingdom.

Generally we are not having our sexual trysts in the tree tops or in the fields of the golden savannah anymore. Our spawning grounds have transformed into strobe lighted night clubs, the hum of your friendly computer screen, rows of church pews, not to mention social events (particularly weddings, which seem to get all women hot and bothered) and the fleeting yet sometimes mind blowing passing encounters.

What is interesting to look at is, that there seems to be a collective understanding of what type of mate you could possibly find at most of these venues, and though subtle to the unobservant person, there appears to be an obvious behavioral pattern that we follow when encountering a potential mate, which leads me to ... Pheromones.

This fabulous chemical which our bodies naturally produce and secrete in our sweat comes from the Greek words pherin, “to carry” and horman, “to excite”. Pheromones naturally elicit responses in others, specifically in reproductive behaviour. (I know I’m getting all scientific, but read on you could learn something)

Have you ever noticed that when meeting someone who seems perfect in all the right places (wink wink), for some reason you can’t seem to figure out why you are repulsed by them? Or how about, realizing that the same perfume or cologne smells completely different on different people? What about sniffing your lover’s clothes or pillow when they are away? This is because of Pheromones.

Let’s get scientific again... Most women will tell you that they and their group of friends seem to share the same menstrual cycle. Research has shown that when females are kept together for an extended period of time without the presence of a male, that their menstrual cycles will synchronize, then, slow down and eventually stop until a male is introduced. This phenomena, is called the Lee-Boot Effect. This “effect” is a direct result of the body’s natural ability to recognize via pheromones that there is no need to menstruate (produce eggs) because there are no viable males around for reproduction. SPOOKY huh?!

Going even further, it has also been observed that women who are regularly in the presence of men tend to have shorter menstrual cycles than those who are not, allowing for more opportunities to have sex, thus leading to the possible fertilization of an egg. (Uh huh, see I told you, you human animal you)

So now that we have established that despite your fabulous jewelry, great apartment, lavish clothes and dedicated work-out regime, that you are in fact an evolved animal, yet an animal none the less, let’s break it down a bit. What type of animal are you?

For the Men...

The Lustful Lion Male
These men have a presence that will tame even the wildest lioness. They are dominant, seductive, love to be the center of attention and usually are. They thrive on having their harem of equally strong women take care of their every whim and fancy, and may at times appear lazy because of this. But don’t be fooled, this male can take care of himself, but simply prefers to be taken care of.

The Sinister Shark Male
Stated simply, sharks are ruthless! They prefer to be alone and will kill to get what they want, and once happy they move right along to their next victim. This male is hard to tame, and if in fact he somehow becomes caged, he may turn on you rather than die in captivity.

The Emperor Penguin Male
These are the men that women, tend to look over. They would rather have a lion or shark over these loyal and faithful Emperor Penguins (SO SAD BUT TRUE). Popular for their monogamy, Emperors will live their entire lives having only one mate. These Emperors make the best Dads and in fact have no qualms being a stay-at-home Dad while Mom goes off to hunt. (Warning Ladies: Shark Dads will usually eat their young, and Lion Papas tend not to give a damn! So when you find a Penguin be good to him and DON’T TURN HIM INTO A SHARK OR LION)

FOR THE LADIES...

The Praying Mantis & Black Widow Females
These two can fit into a category together, simply because they will devour their men after mating, whether it be for money, status, whatever. Good men tend to fall into the alluring traps of these women far too often, and only realize when its too late, and they are either broke and she has moved on, or oops she got pregnant on the sly.

The Devilish Dolphin Female
Dolphins are the only other mammal apart from humans who have sex for pleasure, so let’s just say that these women have a very veracious sexual appetite. They are very open to sexual exploration, and are usually happiest in leather. They are the equivalent to the Rabbit and will either be an answer to a man’s dream or his worst nightmare. Don’t take them lightly though, they are usually rather intelligent.

The Beautiful Butterfly
These women are rare. You know the saying; “behind every good man, there is a greater woman”, this is her. Butterfly females usually undergo some form of transformation and get more beautiful with age. Once matured, she will find her rightful mate and produce her offspring before she dies. These women are extremely delicate though, and when handled inappropriately, may never fly again. (Warning: Men please take care of the butterflies. WE HAVE TOO MAY BLACK WIDOWS ALREADY)


Published by Ocean Style Magazine - Uneditted Version

“Ode to the… Boob”

If you had not read the title of this article, and I asked you to regress a bit and sing the alphabet, chances are the last thing on your mind would be your cup size. However if I asked you to sing the alphabet now, it’s possible that you would not be able to keep a straight face, and start snickering by the time you got to the letter/cup “J”.

As entertaining as it would be to elaborate on the possible psychology of your cup size, and what it means to yourself, your esteem, your society and the rest of the world regarding how well your bra fits, sorry to say this article has little to do with your breasts, but instead has everything to do with your femininity.

Ask yourself how you felt the day of your first period. What feelings did you have? Where there any fears? Ask yourself about your ability and choice to have children; about your possible or past emotions the day of your daughter’s first period. Ask yourself about your feelings of menopause, about breast cancer, about the possible loss of a breast. Though we may not see (perhaps blinded by the demands of the patriarchal society in which we live), these questions delve far into our understanding and appreciation of our femininity.

I am a woman who has come to realize that my fellow women far too often, though with a level of appreciation, have come to select aspects of their “Feminine” which they choose to accept or not, at times even fighting it, and not supporting the collective of females.

Now ask yourself about how difficult your struggle has been in the working world, about the choices you have made, or were forced to make, because you are a woman. Ask yourself about discrimination, but also recognize how you too have discriminated against and judged your female colleagues. In all HONESTY, were your choices based on their characters only, or were they somewhat influenced by their “feminine”? Why do we fight ourselves and each other so?

Some would argue that men are to blame. So quick are we to call them out; telling them and believing that they are “dogs”; charging them with the offenses of hurt, oppression and discrimination. Why are we not capable of seeing that this vicious cycle of prejudice begins and ends with us?

In days gone by, the idea of a patriarchal society was myth. Powerful goddesses reigned supreme with the recognition of the equally powerful and divine masculine. A respected balance existed between the sexes, the realism of symbiosis, the acceptance that there is no Yin without Yang. Women gathered together in reverence to celebrate their femininity and the Divine Feminine; they supported each other; they taught and uplifted each other, never bitching! (I choose my words very wisely)

The notion of female on female oppression is a new phenomenon, and most men will easily point out that this is our “weakness” as women: being “fickle” and holding each other down. No matter what the circumstances, a man is more than capable of respecting a woman, once she has respect for her self.

“Ode to the Boob” is a proclamation of self-acceptance for any woman, realizing that in being women we have no weaknesses, only the devices we hold against each other and ourselves. Embracing that which makes us female does not make us weak; it instead reconnects us to our past celebration of the woman.

Argue all you damn well please: “But men are this, but men are that, look on what they have done to us…” BLAH BLAH BLEEP BLAH BLAH! Don’t get me upset! What have we done to ourselves? Granted we have struggled, and it has taken us a hell of a long time to regain some amount of respect, but what have we done to that respect?!

Unleash our fury of frustration on men; claiming the brilliance of having control over them with the way we dress, with what we do. Let me tell you a secret… do not take them for fools, as they see right through it, and rightly so. If we continue to give them the ammunition, why not use it? We use it against ourselves anyway, right?!

I am venting, because I am tired of how we treat each other and ourselves. I am nauseated by thoughts of hurtful former friends who used their feminine wiles to stab me in the back. I am aggravated by women in high-powered positions, who feel that the world owes them something, and who assimilate the “male characteristic” of assertion and turn it into manipulation and aggression in the work place.

I know you can identify for two reasons. Firstly because you have continued to read my rant, and secondly because I know that though we may choose not to admit it to ourselves at times, we realize the truth.

Looking on the grand scheme of things, we have come a long way, and it has taken us lifetimes and generations to get to where we are: “earning” the right to vote, and look, now we have a woman running for President of the United States (I am NOT a Hillary supporter, my choice, thank you!). From the burning of bras to the legislation put in place to protect us women, is enough evidence of our journey. However, to what extent are we protecting each other?

I ask these questions because it has taken me some time to come to these conclusions, having been wrapped up in my own delusions. I am not at all negating the struggles we have faced and are still facing. Instead I am suggesting that the biggest struggle that we need to recognize is with ourselves.

The feminine Moon rules the tides, and maintains the speed at which Mother Earth herself rotates, controlling life in the sea and thus on land. Yet the Moon provides no light without the masculine Sun (getting deep here, can you handle it?).


Juno, Roman patron goddess, AKA Hera to the Greeks, was believed to watch and protect all women from their first breath to their last. Freyja, Norse goddess of creativity, love, and beauty, was worshiped to foster the ability to discriminate between aggression and passivity, and the ability to use them appropriately. Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom and enlightenment, was without equal in the skill of battle and protected all those in need of defense. Oya, Yoruba goddess of the Niger River, was praised for her leadership and strength. Kuan Yin, most beloved goddess of ancient China, was recognized for her compassion, vowing never to leave the earth to her celestial amusement until all humans were free of pain.

Whether you choose to appreciate these whimsical stories or not, open your mind a bit to realize that these stories are simply of women. Women who in their “divinity” had honor and respect and were praised for it by women, and yes, by men too! These stories are of the Feminine, all that makes us female, and creates the balance for life, just as the sun and moon coexist to sustain life.

“Ode to the Boob” is an Ode to you; a type of self-praise, to realize that to be feminine is innate and necessary for life. Without compassion, without strength, without tears, without monthly mood-swings, without the pain of child birth, the tender look in a mother’s eyes and the support of a wife or a girlfriend’s smile, where would we be? Where will we be? We need to stop fighting and start embracing, remembering that the power of a woman is not defined by our power over men and each other, but instead our power of self. Think about it!

- As published by Ocean Style Magazine